The Whole Story....of Crabby Judy and why I'm going crazy!

Crying, crying, crying, crying! She doesn't STOP CRYING! She's fed, changed, and all she does is CRY! She doesn't stop crying. When she's not crying, she's irritable, fussy, or just erratic.

The Low Down...

Where to begin??? I'm a mom of three kids. For 10 years, just a mom of 2 kids. Grace Elizabeth is now 11 years old, and Jackson David will be nine years old this month.  My wonderful, handsome, loving, husband of 12 years, Michael, and I were completely done having children.  The Lord decided we weren't done.  In 2011, I found out I was pregnant with Judith Louise Spear. This was a hug shock to our family (understatement)! Deep down, I had always wanted one more, just would have rather the 3rd child be a lot closer to the first two children.

It was like starting all over again.  My sweet sister, Ali, even threw me a baby shower, because we had gotten rid of everything. My kids were excited! Everyone we spoke with told us that "surprise" babies are the best, that "surprise" babies end up being the parents favorites, and that they always are very easy going.

I know you are saying, "Okay, so what's so unique and crazy about your story?". Well, it all started when I was 7 months pregnant and I got mugged in the alley behind my garage. The mugger simply wanted my groceries, and instead of just asking me for them, he pushed me down and I fell over on the huge garbage bins. I was sent to the hospital because the trauma caused me to start having contractions. Doctors were able to slow them down, and I left the hospital with just a few bruises. One week later, I started having sharp pain in my sides. Found out, I had kidney stones.  These stones caused severe pain. The pain was so intense that they kept throwing me into labor. The doctors gave me Percocet, a drug to ease the pain. I lived the last three months of pregnancy high as a kite on these drugs. Doctors swore to me that it couldn't hurt the baby.  It was horrendous! Not just for me, but my whole family! My kids didn't understand why I couldn't really talk to them, do stuff with them, or get out of my bed.  Needless to say, it was miserable! WE all just wanted her to come out!!!!

Finally, after long hours of labor, Judy made her appearance, December 30, 2011.  There was a HUGE sense of relief and Michael and I felt like, finally we can start living normally again!

RSV to Kick it Off...

Boy, oh boy! We were certainly wrong! When Judy was two weeks old, it all started. CRYING! Judy was extremely irritable. When she was less than 2 months old, she developed RSV. She was admitted into Riley Children's Hospital. Judy stopped breathing several times because of her terrible cough, her lips even turned blue.  It was so scary.

After RSV, things just went downhill from there.  The RSV screwed up the breastfeeding, so I ended up supplementing, then just solely to formula.  Of course, the regular formula didn't settle well with her (I should've figured). So, they put her on the most expensive formula on the shelves. Even with this formula, she still CRIED ALL THE TIME.

Diagnosis...Extreme Colic...Really?!??

Judy fed every 2 hours even through the night.  We had her at the doctors weekly thinking something HAS to be wrong w/ her. Docs put her on reflux medicine, that she continued to take for months, but she still cried.  She had some ear infections, so they put tubes in her ears, but she still cried.  The doctors ran all kinds of tests, ultrasounds, CT scans, xrays, blood work, etc and NOTHING! All negative and still crying! Judy's pediatrician group were stumped and they all felt horrible that they couldn't give me answers.  They labeled her Extreme Colic.

My oldest, Grace had colic. However, the second she turned 4 months old, she was cured. Since then, she has been the sweetest, kindest young lady around.  Judy was now 6 months old and still crying. Docs said it may take till she's 9 months to grow out of this.  We tried to remain hopeful.The crying, fussiness, irritability just kept getting worse and worse. Mike and I were totally losing our minds! Now, developmentally, she's been fine. Actually, she's quite advanced in many areas. She rolled over early, crawled early, etc. But at this point, 6 months, she still was feeding every 2-3 hours, even through the nights.

The weird thing was, she cried all the time, but whenever we took her to a new place/different environment, or was around new faces, she seemed to act fine, for the first couple hours- then she'd get back to her crabby Judy self. Michael and I would complain and vent about her, but no one understood because whenever she was around those faces in new places she would act fine!  UGH! It was so frustrating.  we felt crazy, like maybe it was us or maybe we were over-reacting!?!?! We didn't know!!! We still don't!!! She won't sit still. She's always moving. Judy just can't relax. She won't play by herself, she won't just sit in your lap, always fussing and at our feet crying.  She also gets very nervous and anxious when there's a lot of commotion or in big spaces. She just can't handle a lot of things. As a teacher this started to make me wonder about autism.  However, she talks with her eyes and is very involved with what's going on around her. This then rules autism out for me.

Postpartum Depression...I was going crazy!!!

In July of 2012, I found that I had postpartum extremely bad.  I was having horrible thoughts! Thoughts of hurting my own children.... AND for those of you that know me, know that I would never do anything like that! But I'm being honest here! I was having those thoughts! I couldn't get them out of my mind. The more I tried not to have terrible, violent thoughts of hurting my children, the more I would have them! It was getting so bad, I got so scared.  I didn't want to go anywhere, do anything, didn't want to take a shower, really didn't want to live.  I hated everything.  I simply couldn't pull myself out of this hole. Luckily, my husband intervened and forced me to talk with someone.  I was able to get counseling and was put on a miracle drug that cured me from thinking those things!!

Needless to say, our family was falling apart and Judy was not getting any better! I had to get some time away from her. I decided to go back to work, back to teaching.  I was so lucky because I found a teaching position at an amazing Indianapolis school! I just had to get away from her. Even though I had planned to spend this year bonding with my new baby!! Plans changed! They had to! So, we enrolled her in daycare and couldn't wait for the first day to put her in. 

Falling Apart, FAST...

We continued taking her to the doctor and they continued to tell us that they don't know what she has and hope she will grow out of it! At this point, we are feeling horrible for Grace and Jackson.  Jackson has been sleeping in the basement for a year because he can't handle her crying! Poor Grace, she never wants to have children of her own.  They both feel so neglected and left out! Both wondering what the hell has happened to our nice, sweet, little family of four.  I can vividly remember coming home from my parent's house and all 5 of us were in the car. Oh I forgot to tell you...Miss Judy hates the car, she screams from the moment we put her in until the moment we get her out. So, we were all in the car on our way home, which takes 35minutes.  Judy was screaming at the top of her lungs, Michael and I just looked at each other, took  big breaths and kept driving.  Within 10 minutes, with Judy still crying, all of the sudden we hear Jackson starting to cry, and before you know it, all 3 kids were crying in the backseat ALL THE WAY HOME! It was a nightmare! Michael and I just started tearing up as well. It was the longest drive home. We just kept thinking, what has happened to our family!?!? And all we could do was resent Judy...she has rocked our world! We wanted to love her and really "like" her, but it was too hard to.

School started, I was teaching, Judy was at daycare, and Michael was back to work, things were going ok.  But oh how we dreaded the weekday evenings and weekends. We did dread them b/c Michael and I knew it was going to involve JUDY! I just being honest here. Don't get me wrong, I love her, she's my daughter, but I couldn't stand being around her! Michael and I started fighting more. Both having very little patience and short tempers.  Both having no energy for our oldest two kids! It was terrible! Finally, at Judy's 9 month appointment her pediatrician told me I could let Judy cry through the night, and for me not to feed her through the night.  For a whole week, Judy screamed for 5 hours straight through the night. Finally, she figured out that no one was coming to get her and she would stop. That week was hell on earth! So, finally she started sleeping through the night- not totally, she's still cries a few times per hour, but we put her down and don't get her out until morning.  Judy then started walking early, like around 10 months! She also can get up and down the stairs at this time, which is very early! She's just one determined, feisty, active little girl.  We were hopeful that since Judy became very mobile, this would help her. NOT!!

 

Riley Children's Hospital

Really things just continued getting worse. Constant crying. Some days I think I hear her crying and she's not even around me. Craziness! The pediatrician sent us to Riley Children's Hospital.  She sent us to the diagnostic clinic.  This is the place where doctors send patients that they don't have answers for, patients with mysteries.  Our Riley doctor is like the doctor on the TV Show House.  Dr House!  A team of five doctors sat down with Michael, Judy and myself. We weren't sure what to expect. They spend a hour and a half with us, just talking to us, getting the whole story/history, checking out Judy, etc. It was unbelievable! This happened in February 2013.  Michael and I felt a huge relief for some reason after we shared our feelings about Judy.  It was nice to get it all off our chest and for people to listen to us and not think we were crazy! And that's exactly what they did, they LISTENED! They were amazing! Couldn't really give us answers but promised us that they would keep trying until they figure it out.  They ran lab work, physically evaluated her, and found that she was very low on communication. So, they recommended speech therapy.  They completely ruled out autism. Thank God! Her blood work came back and her levels were high for inflammation.  This made the docs wonder if she could possibly have rheumetory arthritis.  Finally, we felt like maybe we were going to get an answer! Well, they had to have several months data of her blood to determine this diagnosis. So, that means, we were going to have to wait and get her blood drawn every few weeks, so that they could see the numbers. Which meant that we were going to have to live with CRABBY JUDY that much longer!!! AHHHH! We wanted to cry!! How could we be at one of the best children's hospitals in the world and not get answers. ??????

Meanwhile, I forgot to tell you that her daycare providers are amazing! They are gentle, loving, caring, and do really love Judy. However, they even know somethings just not right w/ Judy! I get calls and accident reports weekly on Judy. She falls a lot, and will have these tantrums where she throws her head around and scream, and ends up with bruises all over. These tantrums are like a 2 year old's temper tantrums.  It's crazy! We have to hold her down, so that she doesn't hurt herself.  Well, last week was a breaking point for me...day care said she was horrible all week, she was an absolute wreck at home, and I lost it! I broke down.  I called for the Riley doc to personally call me back. And she did! (She's amazing)! I told her that I know somethings wrong w/ Judy, I KNOW IT! She told me that I didn't need to say anything else, that she would free up her afternoon the next day to see us. 

VALIUM

This leads us to just a couple of days ago.  I took Judy in to see the Riley doctor.  My dad went with me.  Once again, Riley was amazing!!! Spent over an hour with us.  Doctor ruled out many things, such as, allergies, autism, any major organ dysfunctions, etc.  The doctor then looked at me and said, "Mrs. Spear, in all my years of being a doctor, and after talking to plenty of colleagues, we have NEVER seen a 1 year old so irritable, crabby and discontent."  That's when I lost it!!! How could this be happening to me?!?! How could I be the mom of this baby!?! How in the world is she the only one that they can't figure out?!?! UGH!!!  The doc then felt bad, because she didn't mean to make me upset, she was jut trying to let me know that she hears me and is not dismissing this.  She's wonderful.  She then ordered more blood work.  This is because they wonder if she might have rheumetory arthritis.  Some of her levels have been elevated for inflammation.  However, this is simply just a hunch.  She does have communication delays, so she's starting speech with First Steps. BUT I know, this is not the whole problem! Last visit, they did say that she had anxiety, but they weren't sure this could be her whole problem.  Well this time, the doctor talked her case over with plenty of other doctors and decided to put her on Valium!!! Yes, VALIUM! I about died!!!!! They are only going to let her be on it for 3 weeks b/c after that, she will get addicted.  I'm like, you have got to be kidding me!!!! She's going to end up a drug addict!!!! What the hell?!  I do trust the doctor though, and I'm willing to try whatever she says.  Doc said this should completely relax her.  Doctor will be checking in weekly.  So, I got the script....

This will be the 3rd night that we will try it.  Past 2 nights, the Valium hasn't touched her! NOTHING has changed!! Can you believe this?!?!?! That strong of drug hasn't effected her tiny little body at all!!!!! We are in shock!!! We will try again tonight and then I will be calling the doc tomorrow.  Wondering if maybe she needs to be on a higher dose?!?!  Really sad though, b/c the Valium makes her face look weird.  You can tell she's drugged up.  Michael and I have just been sick about this!!!  And we just know, something has to be hurting her, for her to continue to cry with all these drugs in her! :( 

 

Never Ending Story...

So, the story goes...I will try to update weekly, if not more.  If you are a mom OR dad and have a crying baby that won't stop, you are not alone!!!! I'm hoping to reach some of you, that are at the end of your ropes and feel hopeless!!! We are right here w/ you!!!  Please pray for the doctors and Baby Judy, that we will find answers!!!! I just need answers!!!!!